100 Days of Wonder – #58
After yesterday’s brain shutdown, I feel better today. There was definitely joy to be had. It was in the conversations with colleagues, the teaching, the individual chats with students and in the black, hot, strong coffee I sipped while finishing off one thing before immediately moving on to the next.
But I had to look for it. Joy wasn’t exactly jumping out at me. Work at the moment is just ticking things off. None of it particularly difficult but there’s just too much of it so I never feel like I’m doing anything properly and I never have time to stop and reflect. I find not having time to reflect (some might say overthink) hard. And I hate the feeling of just rushing from one thing to the next without pause.
Maybe that’s why I am particularly looking forward to Disney World this time. I don’t feel the pressure to do all the things or even anything when there. I’m happy just being. If I can’t really manage to have little brain re-sets during the working day right now then maybe a full re-set is just what I need. 43 days to go and I can’t wait to stand and stare at this view
100 Days of Wonder – #45
I think one of the things that is hard to explain is the calmness you can find at Disney World. This picture is from the sunrise over Bay Lake – the lake at the back of the Contemporary Resort. It was taken on 9th January 2023 at just before 7am. Of course Disney World is busy and I am sometimes amazed at how I cope with it. I am not great in big crowds generally. I don’t really like people. But I think Disney World taught me that you can create your now bubble in 2 ways. First you can really just create your own narrative and story and live that – it means it can feel like the only two people in the world are Kath and I doing our own thing even when there are literally thousands of others around us. Disney helps with that hugely because every interaction with a cast member makes you feel like you are the most important person in that moment. The second way is to soak up and find joy, wonder and stillness in those calm moments and places. On our last trip for me that was definitely encapsulated by the walk from our room in the Garden Wing of the Contemporary to the main Tower. At sunrise there was barely anyone else around but even during the day it was calm and quiet. A walk to get coffee became a mindset walk, a headspace stroll and time to breathe deeply and quieten any noisy unhelpful brain activity. Finding the same sort of bubbles is really powerful in our overly busy and noise lives – stay in your story and leave everyone else in theirs and soak up the stillness when you can.
100 Days of Wonder – #32
Every story needs a villain. Does it though? Couldn’t we write our stories without someone having to be the villain? Is it just easier to write yourself as the good guy if there is a bad guy to contrast with? I’ve been thinking about this because recently I have had lots of conversations about the the state of Higher Education in England and the impact it is having on academics. Inevitably conversations turn to toxic workplaces and the villains of our stories. And of course I like to think I am one of the good guys, I like to think that I have used the privilege and power I have as a force for good, to champion and lift others, to help change the world and make it just a little bit brighter. I also like to think that I, like the Disney heroes have fought my battles and come through. But I also know that I am the villain in the stories others might tell. A shift of perspective and suddenly I am all the things that have been said about me. I have been thinking about this since I first mentioned this in a post 10 days ago or so. The Hero/Villain dichotomy just doesn’t work. Our lives and who we are are far too complex for that but we like to simplify things and the thing is, if we can point to a villain in our story then we must be the hero. If there is a bad guy then we must be a good guy and if there is evil then we are the good that triumphs. But I’m not any of those things. I’m not a hero or a good guy and I am not some abstract good that defeats some abstract evil. I am, like all of us, deeply flawed and complex. I do think we struggle to write our stories without a villain because defining who we are is so much easier with reference to something else. The Scarlet Witch in Marvel says ‘I don’t need you to tell me who I am’ but actually we do need to other characters in our stories to be able to define who we are or are not. Binaries, dichotomies, black and white… it’s all easy and it’s a way of telling ourselves that we’re ok. I do still struggle to see how some of the people in my story are anything other than villains. I find it hard to see how to rewrite those stories in a way that doesn’t position me on one side and them on the other and then conceptualises one side as good and the other as evil. But that’s never going to be helpful because while it may be true that there were sides, the rest is less clear and depends on whether you ask them or me. And maybe my overly reflective nature doesn’t help here. I tend to look back and overthink and dwell on the past and that lends itself to rewriting our stories. But, as one of Disney/Marvel’s heroes and villains said ‘Don’t Look Back. The Past Is Exactly Where It Belongs‘ (The Scarlet Witch). That might be the key. Look forward in your story and treat every new character with kindness. If we all do that maybe none of the rest really matters. But while we figure out how to do that, there is always a Disney Villains parade where you can see the line up of all the bad guys we love to hate.
My Conversations 