100 Days of Wonder – #89
Do you ever do the thing where you’re tired and should really go to bed but you don’t because you want to hang on to the feeling of something or because the day has been too people-y and you need you time. I don’t do it often, when I am tired, I go to bed and I sleep. But I do it sometimes and it is usually because there have been people around me all day, often but not necessarily staying at our house, and I need the quiet time when everyone has gone to bed. I also often do it on my birthday. It’s a balance on my birthday because I can’t stay up later than midnight because then it’s not my birthday anymore but I also like to linger with my own thoughts. You know by now that I need no invitation to reflect…
So today I am thinking about my last rotation round the sun (it’s been a pretty good one) and what the next might hold. I am thinking about creating my bubble in which I can just be, about who I am, who I was, who I want to be and all of those big questions. That reflection and sitting with those thoughts are restorative to me. They help me re-charge my batteries. I was thinking about this earlier and wondered why the solitude, quiet and reflection that I often crave in the late evening on my birthday has the same effect as being at Disney – re-charing me? Thinking about that I was drawn to the memory of a particular Disney experience – dinner at the California Grill at the top of the Contemporary Resort. And in particular watching the Magic Kingdom fireworks from the balcony. The picture is from the fireworks in January 2023 and even though the balcony was full of people, standing there, shivering slightly in the cool air, listening to the music through the restaurants speaker system and watching the night sky light up, it felt like it was just for us. And that feeling is replicated again and again with so many experiences at Disney. We are perhaps familiar with the saying that you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely and that’s definitely true but at Disney I can be surrounded by people, immersed in huge crowds in a way that would just be anxiety inducing anywhere else, and I can feel the same sense of just being me as I do in those rare moments of complete alone time at home. It seems its not about who else is there, it’s about a particular feeling and state of mind but one that I only experience in those late evenings when everyone else in the house is already asleep or at Disney World.
100 Days of Wonder – #87
I love Christmas Eve. At least now I do. I’m not sure I did as a kid really. My memories aren’t entirely clear though. I remember more snow than I know there was. I remember walking past churches with lovely choirs and organs playing (probably only happened once). I also remember grown-ups arguing and me being bored. There were plenty Christmas Eves at my Oma and Opa’s place in Hamburg when I was little. I always thought German Christmas wasn’t particularly kid friendly – waiting until after dinner, then open presents. Seems like a recipe for grumpy, overtired children. I also remember Christmas Eves in the UK, grandma’s old house which might as well have been Narnia, the dog Timmy which is the only dog ever I wasn’t scared of and the cat Puss who was the most cat of cats and didn’t really like anyone. Loved that cat. Whatever and wherever I suspect I could always be packed off with a book so it’s not like Christmas Eve wasn’t nice. Anyway, I am not a good judge of Christmas traditions because ours have always been muddled, mixing English and German, ‘doing’ Christmas with both parents and, because I am people pleasing me, keeping everyone happy. And my memory is awful too so it’s entirely possible I have just made stuff up. But now I love Christmas Eve because it’s magical. It’s magical partly because I am an adult and pay lots for therapy so I no longer feel the need to keep everyone happy and can do whatever I want without feeling guilty about it.
So, Christmas Eve this year is lush. I picked up our turkey and a few other bits and pieces up from our local farm shop this morning, then I chatted to Kath’s mum about our upcoming Disney holiday while we waited for Kath to finish work. After lunch Kath had an afternoon nap and I checked in on where Santa was on the tracker (thanks Sky TV) and faffed around a bit. So far Christmas Eve has already brought me 2 books in the gorgeous icelandic Jolabokaflod tradition which we have (along with many others) adopted over the last few years. I am about to do some food prep for tomorrow when Kath is done in the kitchen and after tea we are popping down to mum’s. We’ll be in bed early but I will definitely check the skies, just in case – would love to see the reindeer.
So what has this got to do with Disney and 100 Days of Wonder. Well, 2 things I think. I think Christmas Eve is filled with wonder. There’s no pressure, no expectations, in some ways it’s just another day but for those who dare to dream it also holds magic. It holds a ‘but what if…’ and even if you’re just laughing at me now and want to scream at me that Santa isn’t real… Christmas Eve is also an invitation to pause, reflect, be calm. Or at least it can be if that’s what we choose. And I don’t come at Christmas from religion. I am just here for the appropriation of pagan rituals and the magic we have read into the Christmas story and the magic we can experience if we just stop and breathe and scan the skies. Christmas Eve is joy and wonder. And second, Disney has over the years really helped me not care about what other people think. I don’t care if you are rolling your eyes right now. I want you to do you and leave me to do me. Am I too old for Disney? Magic isn’t real? Disney Theme Parks are dumb? Disney is for kids? It’s time for me to grow up and stop being so childish? All of those things have been suggested to me and when they were, I was embarrassed. For a while I made excuses. But I also had to acknowledge that Disney was giving me joy, making me laugh and making me happy. So I stopped listening. You can think what you want and tell me to my face, it really has no impact on me because I know that Disney makes me happy and that magic is what you create in the bubble around you. So I feel perfectly comfortable sharing with you that I will check the Santa tracker several more times, that I get excited about hearing the Polar Express bell and that I will never stop believing in the calmness and the reflective power and the what if of Christmas Eve.
100 Days of Wonder – #86
Happy Christmas Eve Eve. For the first time in my 100 days posts I couldn’t choose a picture. I scrolled and scrolled and nothing jumped out at me. I also didn’t know what to write. I’ve had complete downtime today. We did the food shop for Christmas early this morning and since then I have finished reading a book I started ages ago, talked to mum on the phone, started a blog post about the book I finished, watched Coco (lovely) and the original Ghostbusters (terrible, sorry).
Then I remembered that yesterday I had given myself one more day off to get over this cold but that I couldn’t do nothing forever so I decided to start a reset challenge on my exercise app. Our spare bedroom is our exercise room and in the hallway upstairs stands our LEGO Disney Castle with the lights and sound extras.
I turned the lights on and stood there a few minutes just looking at it, remembering the initial build in January/February 2023 (we had Covid badly and built it in 20 minute bursts over days). There are probably mistakes in the build and not all the lights (added later) are exactly where they should be but it’s ours and it brings me joy every time I walk down the hallway.
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