100 Days of Wonder – #63
Here I was, at the expo having picked up race bibs in 2016. At this point in my running life I had run a couple of half marathons and I think the longest training run might have been about 20 miles but I don’t actually remember, it might have been less. I had never run a marathon and I had certainly never attempted anything as insane as the Dopey Challenge. In 2019 I was slightly better prepared and knew what was coming. This time I know what’s coming but I am not prepared at all. Imposter Syndrome is real. I am the slowest I have ever been, I haven’t been consistent and today’s run was a bit of a nightmare so I am also way behind on distance and volume. So right now I don’t feel like a runner. But the thing that Disney running taught me is that I belong out there just as much as anyone else, that I too can do the impossible and that if you can dream it, you can bloody well have a good go at it. Do I know whether I can do Dopey 2025 – nope. Evidence suggests I may well struggle to get round the marathon in the time allowed but assuming I get round the half marathon in one piece and nothing seriously hurts, I will try. I look at 2016 me with awe. She was naive in terms of distance running, sure, but she was also determined and she never gave up. It never occurred to her that she might not finish. Today me feels less mentally strong. I now have experience of not finishing races or even not starting. I now know that that is an option and part of me wishes I didn’t. I want to be able to go into the Dopey Challenge with complete awe and wonder and without the somewhat dubious benefit of experience. I want the magic of not knowing and experiencing it all for the first time. But I do know, so all I can do is the trust the training that I have done and will still do, know that it will see me safely through the half marathon. Then I will need to channel all the determination, stubbornness and pixie dust I can to see if I can stay ahead of the balloon ladies (a group of women who start last and maintain the minimum pace required). And if I can’t, well then I’ll get a bus ride to the finish. I suppose there are worse things in life.
100 Days of Wonder – #61
I adore manatees. I have probably spent hours standing in the Seas building at Epcot watching Lou and Lil’Joe. They radiate calm and seem like gentle and kind souls. After a busy work day where I really just went from meeting to meeting, I’m craving that calm. I’d love to stand and not think and just watch manatees eat lettuce. I’ll have to wait a few more weeks to do that but even just looking at the photo reminds me of that calmness. I hope it makes you smile and gives you a sense of kindness and peace
100 Days of Wonder – #60
Today I want to pause to celebrate my students past and present. They’re all absolute stars. Yep that’s the link to the picture. Sorry. But actually there’s more of a link. I didn’t really ‘get’ the importance and value of celebrating success and being told you’re doing or have done a good job. I found the mostly American culture of ‘good job for existing’ level of praise and affirmation quite jarring and irritating the first time I really witnessed it properly during the first Disney trip in 2006. Yep well done, you are an adult and you managed breathe all day today. I thought it was all a bit pathetic really.
But of course that first Disney trip was before I had any genuine sense that just existing could be so fucking hard. I have u-turned on this. Give yourself and others all the praise, love and affirmation you can. Over the last 20 years I have seen over and over again the power that believing in someone can have, the power that saying ‘good job’ or ‘Well done’ can have and I remember so vividly the impact it had on me when life got hard. So you, yep you who struggled to get out of bed today – you’re awesome. And you who spent all day hiding and crying because life is shit right now, well done for getting through today. You who fought your bastard demons today – I see you and I’m proud of you. And for those of you who are happy today, those who had a great day and for whom things are really good. I am genuinely happy and excited for you. (I mean that genuinely but however I write this it always seems to sound sarcastic – not meant to)
So celebrating students. I have finished teaching for this semester and assessment season is upon us and somehow we are collectively making a mess of this in higher education . The anxiety we create is unreal! Assessment should not be this stressful! Sure, nerves are normal but wow society and the education system pile on the pressure. What are we doing? Assessment should be the celebration of learning. It should be a chance to show off the journey and demonstrate mastery of new knowledge and skills. Over the last couple of weeks I have read genuinely insightful work, watched brilliant presentations and had really deep and sometimes heartbreaking conversations. All my students are juggling life in ways that many of us in our privileged academic bubbles can barely imagine and yet they jump through our anxiety inducing hoops and come out fighting for a better world. I am so unbelievably proud of all of them. The kids are alright, you know and I’m never going to stop telling them that.
My Conversations 