100 Days of Wonder – #63

Here I was, at the expo having picked up race bibs in 2016. At this point in my running life I had run a couple of half marathons and I think the longest training run might have been about 20 miles but I don’t actually remember, it might have been less. I had never run a marathon and I had certainly never attempted anything as insane as the Dopey Challenge. In 2019 I was slightly better prepared and knew what was coming. This time I know what’s coming but I am not prepared at all. Imposter Syndrome is real. I am the slowest I have ever been, I haven’t been consistent and today’s run was a bit of a nightmare so I am also way behind on distance and volume. So right now I don’t feel like a runner. But the thing that Disney running taught me is that I belong out there just as much as anyone else, that I too can do the impossible and that if you can dream it, you can bloody well have a good go at it. Do I know whether I can do Dopey 2025 – nope. Evidence suggests I may well struggle to get round the marathon in the time allowed but assuming I get round the half marathon in one piece and nothing seriously hurts, I will try. I look at 2016 me with awe. She was naive in terms of distance running, sure, but she was also determined and she never gave up. It never occurred to her that she might not finish. Today me feels less mentally strong. I now have experience of not finishing races or even not starting. I now know that that is an option and part of me wishes I didn’t. I want to be able to go into the Dopey Challenge with complete awe and wonder and without the somewhat dubious benefit of experience. I want the magic of not knowing and experiencing it all for the first time. But I do know, so all I can do is the trust the training that I have done and will still do, know that it will see me safely through the half marathon. Then I will need to channel all the determination, stubbornness and pixie dust I can to see if I can stay ahead of the balloon ladies (a group of women who start last and maintain the minimum pace required). And if I can’t, well then I’ll get a bus ride to the finish. I suppose there are worse things in life.