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May 30, 2020

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My first week as an academic cat

by Jess Guth

In all the chaos that seems to dominate my social media, the news and conversations in and out of work, there is a new and altogether positive chaotic force in my life. Odin, the rescue kitten arrived in our house exactly one week ago. We were not planning on adding anyone to the family but the people due to adopt him decided they did not want him after all and because of his poorly eye no-one else showed interest either. Odin was born on 3rd April by caesarean section to a cat Keighley Cat Care had rescued. He spent the first seven weeks of his life there and then, when all the rest of his family had been adopted, he came to us. This is the story of his first week with us – in his own words – sort of.

I have forever humans! Apparently there were some human who didn’t want me. Outrageous. I mean, have you seen how cute I am! I had to go in a carrier. It’s for biiiiiiig cats so I felt a bit lost in it and I didn’t really like being in the car. But the humans made me my own room – so I don’t get lost in my new home. I had so much space all to myself so I explored and there was food and a nice clean litter box in the corner and toys, oh my the toys, a little soft ball and a cuddly toy mouse that is almost as big as me. There was also a basket for me and a puffin to curl up with. I think I like these humans, they play with me and give me food and cuddle me when I get a bit scared. I purred.

Then they left me in the room. I mean they were gone ages, and they seem to do this every time it gets dark. Maybe they get scared in the dark and need to hide somewhere so they can’t come see me. I was a bit lonely and realised that I wouldn’t see my brother again. He’d be somewhere else like the others when they were picked up and I’d have to make do with the humans. I hoped the humans would come back. I also wondered whether I hadn’t heard OTHER CATS. Maybe I wasn’t the only one. Maybe there was someone to play with? Then the humans came back and played with me and cuddled me and fed me and I was with them all day and I think I like these humans. I purred.

There are other cats! I have met two but they tell me there’s another. The boss, the Master of the Universe, Shackleton. He is, they say, legend. The two I have met are magnificent and so huge. Kilian seems friendly and since our first meeting he’s played with me lots. He gets a little scary but shhh don’t tell anyone about that. I like chasing him so he can’t know that I’m not as brave as I look! Einstein growled at me. He doesn’t seem to want to play or think I am cute. Hm, his name suggests he’s clever but that does not. Playing with the big boys is tiring. I don’t want to miss out so I keep going but it’s nice when one of the humans picks me up and cuddles me to sleep. I purr.

So there’s another room! The humans carry me there so I am not sure how to get there yet. There was a litter box (I think the same one, the humans can carry it) and I got food and water there too. It smelled amazing. This must be where the big cats live at leas some of the time. There’s a huge window and something called OUTSIDE. It looks so exciting. There were different toys here and I found a pen to knock off the table and chew and there are more bookshelves that look fun to climb but I just wasn’t quite brave enough yet. For now I’ll just look and purr.

On Tuesday the humans said it was time for something called work. Neither of them seemed particularly excited about this. I don’t know why. I had just the best time. I was allowed to come in and out of the room by myself and come into another room. The humans have put an empty book case across the hallway so I can’t go that way – yet. But I have my room and the study and the study is just the best. I chewed books, sooo many books I don’t know if I’ll ever get to chewing them all. I also killed pens and chased paper and then the humans were talking – not to each other- but into a funny thing while staring at their screens – and I got bored and feel asleep in the sun. And I purred.

Sometimes when I wake up the humans aren’t there. I worry they’ll leave me so I meow just to make sure. It’s working, mostly they come running to check I am ok. I must remember that this noise and then rolling over showing my tummy and purring seems to get me whatever I want. Although it didn’t stop them putting me back in the carrier. I had just woken up when they did and they didn’t even give me time for a pee. They took me to this funny smelling place, it was weird and I didn’t like it. I think it was maybe where I was born. A woman who I thought was nice tickled me and looked me over but then she stuck a needle in my neck. I mean really?! She also put stuff in my eye – more than just a little drop like my humans do and it felt different. She said I was too tiny for most medicine so I have to go back. I don’t like that human. I did not purr.

It all took forever and I really needed to pee and I don’t think the humans understood. I nearly burst and ran to the litter box as soon as they finally got me back to my room. I peed for so long I nearly fell asleep in the litter box. At least the humans have now realised I didn’t like the water bowl they’d given me. It was hard to drink out of and I couldn’t see the water in it and got confused. I like the one I have now better. See humans can be trained! Good. I’ll keep purring.

Humans seem to do a lot of what they call work. Seems odd. I tried to help. Apparently having a desk cat is lovely but I am not the chew cables. Hm, well if I am not allowed to chew I need to find other ways to help. The humans seem fussy about this though. Knocking pens on the floor, chasing pens when in human hands, deleting columns in spreadsheets, accidentally sending and then archiving some emails and adding text to documents and messages were all rejected as unhelpful. Rolling around on my back, washing my face and having my tummy tickled got a much more favourable reception. So I purred.

The humans tell me I am a good boy and that I am learning fast, too fast in some cases. I learned that starting to climb up human legs means I quickly get a lift up, that attacking the hand holding the toy means I can disable the toy and get it quickly, that I can use humans to get to where I want to be by climbing up them and that if I get somewhere from where I can’t get down all I have to do is meow. I’ve also learned that I can sleep without worrying, that there’s food for me and that human hands are great for testing claws and teeth but also really really good for belly rubs, shoulder scratches and chin tickles. I think I like these humans. They make me purr.

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